这是《剑15》分析的最后一篇，往期文章可查看文集。先从小作文走起，题目如下☟☟☟

The charts are an illustration of what bachelors majoring in Anthropology did and how much money they earned annually after five years of working.

Ø “上乘”的paraphrase还是要力求调整句子的根骨，即：syntactic structure刻意被调整的同时还能通顺流利地体现出图形背后的客观信息；

Ø 学会去高度的浓缩信息，以一词代一句，不要总是依赖定语从句写句子，尤其是在句子内部的时候，会严重阻塞信息的流淌速度；

Ø 表格中体现的意思一定是“经过五年工作后”这些人的薪资水平如何，因此笔者添加了annually一词；当然，也可替换为on a yearly basis. 千万不要理解成五年共赚了多少钱进而改写为: how much money they have earned after five years of working.

Most conspicuously, unlike full-time work, which was favored by slightly over half of the graduates, a mere five percent furthered postgraduate study while taking up a part-time job simultaneously. Besides, the number (8%) of people choosing to be a full-time postgraduate was exactly the same as that of those who did not reveal their destination. Lastly, roughly 12 to 15 individuals out of every 100 ones were jobless or working part-time.

Ø 本文的时态问题还是颇有吊诡的，注意：虽然没有时间给出，但是题干中有个did；且: 如果不是过去的薪资情况调查，两幅图表怎么绘制呢？因此，全文基态定格在一般过去即可；

Ø 极值优先写，所以呼应了段首的most conspicuously; which引导的非限定从作插入不解释了；

Ø The number of A was the same as the number of B. 是不是很傻瓜？换成there be句型试试？并且主语从proportion偷换成了number，同饼之下是可以的；

Ø 代词的使用及指代关系要精准；

Ø 啥叫unknown? 仔细体会下什么叫“写出冰冷数据背后的人文客观事实”；

Ø 怎么都可以，就是不想写“xx占据xx百分比”，建议学学。

Regarding the salaries of bachelors entering the workforce, a resemblance stands out between Freelance consultants and Government sector. Specifically, people obtaining less than 75,000 dollars made up only a minority of the whole demographic (20%) while those getting paid above $75,000, a quite handsome level, held a lion’s share (80%). By stark contrast, moving to their counterparts enrolling in private enterprises, a mere one tenth got less than 50,000 dollars, and the proportions of the remaining three salary levels were quite balanced, approximating to roughly one third.  

Ø 中规中距的总分展开，快速让读者get到笔者的行文框架。此时，主题句一定要十分清晰（a resemblance stands out）。喜欢套句么，这句话不妨背下来；

Ø The variation of subjects matters. 注意: 主语切换的同时，写作底层的思考维度就发生了变化。因此，就更有可能写出冰冷数据背后的人文性事实；

Ø 避免了很生硬的“饼图坑”，即: 不要老是依赖在文中写出xx占据xx类似的句式；

Ø 词汇层面的替换及某些idiomatic expressions值得一提；

Ø 数据多且繁杂的时候，一定学会去高度概括“一把抓”，切记机械罗列；

Overall, most graduates choose to be employed, be it full-time or part-time, and people going freelance and entering the municipal domain general receive a fatter salary than do their counterparts in private companies.

Ø 两处倒装现象为语法增分值得一提，其它倒也还好，容易理解；

Ø 非谓语作后置定语起修饰功能，一直是个值得讲究的问题。如：freelance此处的副词性用法是很多语言学习者不知晓的；因此，词汇丰富度也可由此窥见一斑；

Ø 结局倡导大家中规中矩，不要再“饶舌”了，没必要。

【作文题目】

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

【审题】

拿到题目的一瞬间，同学们是否发觉此题跟剑14的Test 1颇有相似？首先，话题比较抽象，两道题目都在某些程度上讨论“人生到底是佛一点儿还是拼一点儿？”因此，某些主题词汇是不是一下子就跳到你的脑海里了？本题相对会简单些，相信大家一眼就扫到了题目中出现的“anything”一词，那么，这么绝对、极端的字眼我们遇到后要干嘛？没错，我们开始盘它！

【Introduction】

Is there anything wrong with the conventional mindset that parents should have high expectation of their children? The answer is ‘No’. However, this is not always a universal truth.

Ø 以“暗示”的方式去引入，为读者营造一种可脑补且生动的情境 ——“望子成龙”这个事儿，是不是突然就很有话说；

Ø 注意第一句话中的实意词的感情色彩，conventional一词的使用就是在暗示读者: 笔者要去“破除”这样的固有思维，那是不是就等于回答了“利弊性质”了呢，这就是“藏”着写；

Ø 注意本句的措辞技巧: 如果你已经厌倦了常规的“背景+改写+观点”的八股文，那么这种“设问”的开局方式，值得借鉴与模仿。对，没错。就是要自问自答，不给读者太多的思考空间直接代入开篇；

Ø Lexis高光不要刻意为了用词而用词，如: 某些同学可能想去将universal替换为意思接近且看起来更“高级”的ubiquitous一词。但是，如果这么做就破坏了基于语境的常见固搭，因此同学们一定要多注意规避这样的appealing traps。

【Body 1】

In the hope that children can have a flying start in their career, be it academic or professional, parents usually impart an idea into their descendants’ mind that persistence and diligence make a huge difference. This is understandable. Driven by such parental impetus, numbers of young people achieve their goals. For example, having burnt the midnight oil for hundreds of times, a student with normal scholastic aptitude is finally admitted by MIT. In this sense, such ideology does help nurture kids. However, this is only an incomplete part of the whole picture.

Ø 本段第一句中出现的语法现象值得一提：同位语从句加倒装现象。尤其是内置插入的倒装部分，如果不懂，问你的写作老师吧；

Ø “This is understandable.” 长句子之后嵌入一个短句。前面的句子内部信息较为密集，需要在此处刹个车、缓一下信息流淌速度，使得文章有张有弛；

Ø Lexis: 如果你的作文要7+，那么idiomatic expressions必不可少，如：have a flying start, burn the midnight oil等；

【Body 2】

As a matter of fact, the aforementioned harvest is reaped at the sacrifice of the student’s physical and mental soundness, and, more importantly, the parental clichés of hard work cannot be applied to many walks of life, especially those requiring much talent and epiphany. A compelling illustration is that kids who innately have a malfunctioning auditory or vocal organ are least likely to be a singer like Luciano Pavarotti, a world-renowned Italian tenor, no matter how hard they try to imitate and practice. Likewise, a child suffering from polio is predestined not to run as Usain Bolt does. At this point, the encouragement and stimulus from parents, in essence, are a high tale that will render children pressurized and even frustrated.

Ø 本段的头两个句子的syntactic structure都十分高能，做好解构和模仿工作吧？定、状从用得好，你就能领略到写作世界的蔚然大观；

Ø Likewise的后一句在引用修辞做类比（analogy），这种论证方式你不学一下么？

Ø Lexis: 如果你的作文要7+，那么less common vocabulary 以及 idiomatic expressions必不可少，如：reap, soundness, epiphany, render, pressurized, high tale等等；

Ø TR也解释一下吧，本文看似没有在罗列disadvantages的一二分别是什么（因为这样太八股了！），可文章无时无刻不在回应“只要努力就能实现任何事”的荒诞性(high tale一词的出现就是天方夜谭)。因此，笔者旨在无限的放大和弱化原argument，可不就是等于写了disadvantages了么？get到了吧？

Ø 推荐本书给大家读读吧，E. A. Poe的《恐怖怪诞故事集》，里面都是high tales；

Ø 记住，“达意” （or “表意功能”）永远是雅思写作语言关的第一要义，追求极简与自然。

【Conclusion】

Now, the conclusion seems to be quite crystal-clear. It is unrealistic and thus unnecessary for parents to spur children to do anything, since everyone needs to slow down and smell the rose, with children being no exceptions.

Ø 只要实现了表意功能，结尾偷懒又如何？

Ø 修辞再现：alliteration（头韵）不学一下么？上一段还有一个consonance（尾韵），看到了么？

Ø 诸位在紧张的学习生活中也要记得去take pleasure from pains, 去slow down and smell the rose.

Ø 本篇用时: 27 min.

最后大家记得关注新航道图书，我们会继续生产关于考研、雅思、托福等考试的干货文章~