七个人：太子丹：李杰

阿三：吴为

荆轲：陈飞

李莫愁：刘功林

观众甲：张晓娟（向听众翻译其他成员比较难听懂的句子）

妻子：熊鹏飞

旁白：陈利江（说自己的那几段旁白，并向听众做翻译）

ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time Okay, next show will tell you the truth.

Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister

阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming(迷人的）、cute（可爱）、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero（英雄） to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）

太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate（候选人）

阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.

太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK

阿三：Yes.

Action II

（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）

荆轲

Are you Li mochou

李莫愁

Yes.

OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.

Are you challenging me

Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意

Come on!

音乐起

两人冲上前来

“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”

李莫愁倒地

荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状：What happened Why aren’t you hurt

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we Do we （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）

李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.

荆轲再次大笑

太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you

太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”

荆柯：Sure!

太子丹：How are you

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife

太子丹晕倒

荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!（开玩笑）

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please

荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：

To be or not to be, that's a question.

阿三：Hero，we need your help.

荆柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.

荆柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card

荆柯：I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.

荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!

阿三：What What’s the TCM

荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM Any of them can give you the answer.

阿三：Excuse me What’s the TCM

观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .（TCM-中国传统MM）

太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.

荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.

阿三：You want Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent Why are you looking at me Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like Really你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……

（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）

荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do I will do anything for you.

太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!

Action Ш

（《大话西游》主题曲响起）

荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.

阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.

荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.

（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）

荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.

妻子：I love you!

荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)

妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.

荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise

甜心!你一定要为我做这件事…答应我,你要活下去……你不能放弃——不管发生什么事情——不管多么绝望——现在就答应我,永远不要忘记你的承诺（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.

妻子:"I promise."

荆轲:"Never let go. “

妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."

（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）

妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，

荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.

阿三：Okay okay!

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

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